dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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