were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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