I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
