i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
