Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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