Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
