i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
