Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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