just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
