Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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