I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
