Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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