She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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