lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
