Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
