Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
