I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
