We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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