Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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