I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
