My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
