the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
