You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
