dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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