you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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