Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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