what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
