I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
