he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
