Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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