remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
