Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
