2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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