It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
