Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
