Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
