Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
