go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
