dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
