At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
