how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
