apparently the secret to your success is patron
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
