Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
