You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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