Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
