Don't make out with my wife yet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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