There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
