Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
