we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
