The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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