I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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