I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
