well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
