Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
