worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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