butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
