Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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