yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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