i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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