You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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