Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
should my penis look like a turkey
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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