She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
