Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
