Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
