a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
