so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
