Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
